Could I Ever Forget You?
by From Her Ashes
Summary: The fifth and final in the "Games in the Mind" series. Relena redeems herself and it ends... or is it just a new beginning? Shounen-ai.


I do not own the G-boys or anyone else.  The song is "Unusual Way".  I think it's by Kopit/Yeston… but I'm not sure.  The lyrics at the beginning are… you guessed it, by Savage Garden

_God don't you know I live with a ton of regret?  
'Cause I used to move you in a way that you've never known  
But then I accused you in a way that you've never known  
But you hurt me in a way that I've never known..._

Could I Ever Forget You?  
By Deathswings

_In a very unusual way, _

_One time I needed you._

_In a very unusual way, _

_You were my friend._

"Miss Relena? There's someone here to see you."  
            "Tell them that I am very busy at the moment and cannot possibly see them, but I thank them for their time and- "  
            "The young man said it was very urgent that you see him. He told me to tell you this," she read from a paper in her hand, "'I'm a friend of Heero's and I need your help.'" Relena's eyes widened,  
            "I'll be down right away! Serve him some tea, or something." The maid bustled out of the room and Relena sighed softly and put her head in her hands. Heero. Heero had left her almost a month ago with a good-bye that had sounded suspiciously final. She wasn't particularly shocked by this- she'd known from the beginning that he didn't really love her, not the way she loved him, anyway. Oh, he cared for her- possibly more than any other person on the planet, but she'd known his heart belonged to someone else. She still didn't know whom, but she hoped that whoever she was, she was worthy. Relena knew that she herself certainly wasn't.   
              She'd been a blind fool, then, thinking that his appearance on her doorstep (so to speak) was because he'd finally realized what he'd been missing by not loving her. Then, she became far too dependent on having him around to allow him to leave. Now, she was neither. Heero had his own life to live and she had hers- but she desperately wanted to let him know that she felt that way. But to do that, she would first have to find him, and that seemed more and more impossible with every passing day.  
  
  


_Maybe it lasted a day._

_Maybe it lasted an hour._

_But somehow it will never end._

  
             She descended the stairs to the sitting room with great ease and dignity to meet her guest. The boy sitting in her chair was small, dwarfed by the huge piece of furniture, but he seemed very much at ease here as he stood and offered his hand.  
             "Greetings, Miss Relena Peacecraft. My name is Quatre Raberba Winner. I'm afraid I'm coming here empty handed with a favor to ask of you- I apologize for my rudeness"  
            "That's quite alright, Mr. Winner," she said, taking his hand.  
            "Please, call me Quatre."  
            "Quatre, then. Any friend of Heero's is a friend of mine. I'll do whatever I can for you."  
            "Thank you," he took a deep breath, "Duo Maxwell, one of the Gundam pilots, has gone missing. We know he's alive, but we don't know where he's located. I know that you have had tremendous success in tracking Heero down before... I was hoping you could do the same for Duo."   
            "Well, I'd be glad to. But as you said, you have come empty handed. What would you offer me in return for my services- should I ask for anything?"  Quatre appeared to think for a moment.  Relena had been somewhat joking- she intended to find Duo anyway, but before she could say so, Quatre spoke five words that made her heart leap in her chest.  
            "I know where Heero is. I could arrange a meeting."  
            "I... see..." she was outwardly calm, but inside, her heart was beating a mile a minute, "Well, then, I will grant your request, but only if Heero comes in person to request it. Fair?"  
              "Fair. Thank you for your time, Miss Relena."  
              "No, Quatre, thank you for yours."  
  
  


In a very unusual way 

_I think I'm in love with you._

_In a very unusual way_

_I want to cry._

  
            Less than 48 hours later, she was headed down those same stairs, and out into the park nearby to meet Heero. She couldn't believe that she was going to get to see him once again- it was incredible. Why had he agreed to come? Well, whatever the reason, she was going to make this encounter last. She found him sitting on a bench, a crowd of pigeons around him, looking oddly normal and incredibly handsome.  
             "Hello Heero..."  
             "Hello Relena." 

                They stood there for a moment in awkward silence, like two school children that had fallen out with each other, and did not understand why, or how to go about mending the rift.  Relena had rehearsed this moment many, many times in her head, but now that she was here, all of her carefully planned speeches flew out of her head.  Finally she found her voice,

                "I don't suppose you've come to say you love me and you'll never leave my side again?" her tone was light, but it was a real question- albeit one she already knew the answer to.

                "No Relena, I haven't."  Relena nodded.  Any other answer would have surprised her.  Another silence stretched into the afternoon air, a tad bit more comfortable than the first.  This time, when Relena opened her mouth, her tone was gentle, almost curious, without any malice in it at all,

                "So what girl have you found that's better than the former Queen of the World?"

                Heero's lips actually quirked into a tiny smile,

                "Duo."

_Something inside me goes weak._

_Something inside me surrenders._

_And you're the reason why._

_You're the reason why._

                Now *that* was NOT an answer Relena had been prepared for.  She blinked rapidly and sat down just as fast.  Then abruptly stood, walked about 10 feet away, paused, and then strode back over, her legs giving out form under her as she plopped onto the bench.  She sat her chin in her hand and **looked** at Heero,

                "Duo?" Heero nodded, "You mean… you're **gay**?"

                "Not… really…" Heero looked very uncomfortable talking about this, "I don't really like guys, I just like Duo," this last was spoken very softly, and rather forced, as though he'd never actually said it out loud before, which was most likely the truth.  He took one look at the expression of total shock that Relena was quite sure was on her face, and sighed,

                "I'll leave you alone now.  I'll find another way to find Duo- I can't expect you to do it, knowing what you know.  Thank you for your time, Relena."  Heero stood and started to leave.  Relena spent a few moments in continued shock before regaining her wits enough to call out,

                "Wait!"  Heero stopped and turned around to look at her.  Relena paused for a moment; her earlier resolve to do what must be done weakened, but not destroyed by this new news.  Taking a deep breath, she sealed her fate forever;  "I'll find him for you."

                Heero blinked, unsure if what he was hearing was the truth,

                "What did you say?"

                "I said, I'll find him for you.  I'll find Duo."  The sudden look of pure happiness in Heero's eyes almost made it worth any of the trouble and all of the pain.  His voice was suddenly soft, more human than she had ever heard it, even when they'd been in bed together.

                "Relena… why?"  She smiled and walked over to him, placing a tender hand against his cheek,

                "Because I love you, and I don't want you to be unhappy."

                "You… love me… You love me… even knowing…"

                "There's nothing you could do that could ever make me stop loving you, Heero.  But if I can't have you, I want you to at least be with someone who loves you as much as I do, and who you love in return," she smiled sadly, "I'll probably have some tear-filled nights, but this is what's best in the long run."

                "Relena…" Heero's words came out short and measured, obvious that it was hard for him to think them, much less say them- but it was equally obvious that when he said them, he meant them, "I wish… I wish I could love you in return.  The way that you love me… I wish I could feel the same.  Everyone deserves to have someone love them like that.  Everyone."  And then Heero turned and walked away.  Relena watched his back for a moment, and then slowly smiled.

_And you don't know what you do to me._

_You don't have a clue._

_You don't know what it's like being me, _

_Looking at you._

_It scares me so, that I can hardly speak._

                Relena looked at her reflection in the mirror as she ran a brush through her hair.  Tomorrow, Duo flew in from Africa- where she'd tracked him down- and she was taking Heero to the airport to meet him.  Heero… Relena wondered what her future would be with the boy who had stolen her heart, but didn't want it.  Would they become friends?  Or would he just place her in the back of his mind, to be taken out occasionally and remembered for a great kindness, but nothing more?  Or was she to be forgotten entirely?  

                She shook her head.  Why had she done this in the first place?  She could have demanded anything she wanted from Heero for the return of his precious Duo- even demanded one last night with her- a last week or month maybe- but she hadn't.  She'd merely requested that she be allowed to see him off, so that she could give Duo and him her blessings.  She should be furious.  She should be possessive.  She should be hurt.  But she wasn't.  There was a lingering sadness in her heart, the knowledge that she had forever lost something dear to her, but other than that, she was remarkably calm.

                She started to brush her hair again.  Now that she thought about it, she really ought to have known that it wasn't her Heero was in love with right from the start.  After all, though he'd called her name on more than one occasion in bed, there was almost always a brief pause before, as if he said someone else's name first in his head, though he had never once let that name slip past his lips.  And of course, the most obvious was the one and only time he had ever initiated any kind of sexual contact was the day when she had come in from gardening, wearing jeans, her hair tied back in a wind-whipped braid.

_In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you._

_Though at times it appears you won't stay, _

_You never go._

                If she thought that this was some kind of passing fancy on Heero's part, just a bizarre facet of typical teenage lust, she never would have helped him.  But he loved Duo.  He loved Duo enough to come to beg her to return him.  He loved him enough to confess that love to someone who had the power to ruin him if she so wished, or use the power she had over him to make him do anything for his love's return.  He loved Duo enough to show Relena his humanity, and that, more than anything, convinced her that what she was about to do was right.

                Smiling softly, Relena set down the brush, turned off the vanity light, and climbed into bed.  Tomorrow, she was going to finally get a chance to use her wealth and power to do something good, not for the faceless rabble, but for the one she cared about the most.

_Special to me in my life_

_Since the first day that I met you._

_How could I ever forget you_

_Once you had touched my soul?_

                She stood on the tarmac waiting, Heero at her side.  Duo's plane had just taxied to a stop not too far off, but they hadn't started letting the passengers off yet.  Relena stole a glance at Heero.  His face remained impassive, but his eyes betrayed him with an almost child-like sparkle.  The corners of her lips twitched slightly and her eyes softened.  He was truly happy to see Duo coming home.  How could she ever compete with a love like that?

                Duo bounded off the plane with typical Duo enthusiasm and all but skipped down the stairs and most of the way across the tarmac, before he saw Heero… and Relena.  When he saw them, he froze, and his bags slipped from suddenly limp fingers.  Relena spent a moment of utter confusion, before realizing with horror what this must look like.  Her e-mail had been deliberately vague, telling Duo only that she had a surprise for him.  In Duo's mind, Heero and she were still together, and they were standing next to each other, an intense happiness in his eyes, and a supreme softness in hers.  It would *not* look good.  Relena leaned over and placed a tender, chaste kiss on Heero's cheek, then smiled and pushed him forward a little,

                "Go on.  Go.  Don't let him get away again."  As Heero headed towards Duo, Relena let her eyes drift closed for a moment.  _I hope you find happiness with him, Heero, and I hope you remember me sometimes.  I love you.  Good-bye._

In a very unusual way… 

_You've made me_

_Whole. _


End file.
